Dig

If I turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me.
Sing this song. Remind me that we’ll always have each other when everything else is gone.

It’s strange how I find myself crying while hearing this song for the millionth time. I first heard the song (by Incubus) about 2 years ago, while staying up late with my insomnia giving me boosts of adrenaline through the wee hours of the morning. There were many people who would be in my life then, to help me get through it, and they’ve all just gone. Phased out of my life without warning, like a sudden break up with everyone you’ve ever loved.

So, who’s here? Who is going to be here to save me from myself? It’s the only thing I just can’t do for me, and I’m worried I’m just going to go through life making the same mistakes and getting worse and worse with no one to dig me up from what is covering the better part of me. So, these tears roll down my face because all of these people would leave me die. They would pull the plug if I didn’t want them to. They would let me fall if I were fainting. They would leave me to die. But I would take a bullet for any of them, without asking for anything in return.

It’s funny and painful how time changes people though. My heart will just disintegrate with all of the blows it has taken from these people. It never breaks, but there are cracks in the sides like those of an old vase which has been dropped but has not yet shattered. I’ll just keep letting it get beaten up and I’ll keep a smile on my face through it all because that’s just the type of person I’ve always been. I’ll cry myself to sleep every night, then dream of another life where someone will always be there to save me from my own imperfections. This fantasy which, for those who have helped break my heart, is a reality. And I’ll wake up to experience another day. One day will be my last. That will be the end of another twisted story. I would bet anything that no one will ever be there to save my soul.