Leave You Be, for This Eternity

I’ve always had issues in my life- no matter how much I’ve tried to escape them, they always haunt me, and make my life more complicated everyday. I’ve always known that nothing lasts forever (see Maroon 5,) but I can’t really accept that. I want my family and friends and life to be eternal. I want the love I share with my friends to be eternal. The thing about my theory is that even if everything lasted forever, the relationships may not. I sometimes wish there was a place I could go where all of my problems could just flutter away, but the truth is that my home isn’t even that way. I wish there was a time of day when everyone could comprehend everything I meant to say and everything I thought and everything I wanted, but sometimes I don’t even know these things. I wish there was a time I could go back to when I didn’t feel like absolutely everyone hated me, but I have never, in my life, felt that way. I’ve always been wishing for a world that has never become a reality, and it’s driven me into a depression. This depression isn’t really new, because it’s lasted quite a few years. I don’t know what I can do to let people understand this, but it’s a reality I face every day. The reality that no matter how happy I may feel at any moment is only an illusion of happiness. When I see people being happy, I strive to think that they could never really be happy because they don’t know how true happiness is gained. I’ve never really felt as though anyone around me truly loved me, and that led me to be alone in my mind, which is why I tend to drive them away. I listen to them, I try to talk to them, and then I drive them away. I know that it’s too late to apologize for not letting people know my opinions of them to their faces, but I just am not open to letting people know what I think, because I’ve never really known if they’ve cared. If nothing lasts forever, then let’s try our best today.