Abandonment Issues

I greatly apologize to those of you whom have been checking up on this blog, hoping to see something new and receiving nothing in return. It disappoints me to have to say that I will, probably, end up abandoning this blog in the next couple of months, as I have made the tough decision to solely become a music blogger. I’ve made this decision mainly because I’ve felt more secure and happy with my entries when they have promoted the dreams of often indie artists. However, the entries I’ve written on this blog will still be available for your reading pleasure. Now, let’s continue onto another adventure through my wandering mind, which we’ve learned to call “updates”.

Saw the video Taylor Swift made with T-Pain. I hope she knows how good it feels to be a gangsta now, because I’ve totally lost hope.

Ten years from now, I don’t want to be the same person I am right now. I want to learn more about myself as my years increase. Yet, I know that every decision I make, despite how much or little I may know about myself, may or may not be agreeable. I’m able to then accept and apologize for my imperfections, and hope that the people around me can also accept my imperfections, as I would theirs. Every once in a while, you stumble upon people who aren’t willing to put their pride on the line and do the same. It sickens and saddens me to discover these people, wasting away with nothing but their deteriorating corpses and their winning smiles. But all you can really do for those people is let them go, make sure you aren’t one of those people, and hope, pray, and believe you won’t be one of those people ten years from now.

Important things with Demetri Martin. Maybe that’s what I meant by more important things.

Actual proof that I am, in fact, a certifiable band geek: I was calling in to talk to one of my favorite musicians on the telephone. It was one of those weird hotline deals where you call and the band leaves a message and you (hopefully don’t) leave a message back. Well, I had actually gotten through to this particular musician. Needless to say, I was a bit frazzled. I then proceeded to initiate one of the most awkward, weird, dorky conversations I’d ever been a part of. I began with the stereotypical “Oh my gosh”, then proceeded to mention my favorite song of the particular musician’s, and, finally, finished off the conversation with the reasons I liked their music so much, many of which included their uses of percussion instruments I actually play on a weekly basis. The musician, worn out by my rambling and even a bit frazzled himself by this point, finally ended the pow-wow with “Well, listen, we’ve got a ton of other callers, but it’s been really nice talking with you, and I hope to talk again some other time during office hours!” I hung up the phone, with a witness to my geekiness in the band department. And, despite my apparent embarrassment, I was a bit proud.

The other day, I found myself contemplating what my favorite love song actually was. I remembered making a playlist of addiction with love songs, but none of them, as I really remembered, were actually my favorite love songs. I concluded that, of all of the love songs I’d ever listened to, my favorite had to be “Romeo and Juliet” by Dire Straits. This may be an odd selection, but I love the song because it seems so cliché at first, and then it’s obvious that this is an imperfect love song, which, in reality, chronicles a heartbreak. But it does actually do what I feel a love song should really do. It shouldn’t make someone want to experience love so badly just because they want to fully grasp the understanding of the song itself. It should make the listener realize the pain that falling from love can cause and, through that realization, help them understand love more clearly. I feel this song really redefined what a love song should be, while also having a beautiful melody.

How about this. Let’s all buy Franz Ferdinand’s “Tonight” album! I have no idea how, but this album has totally rocked my world. All I can really promise from this album is awesome melodies and rhythms and bearable (aka good, for the most part) lyrics.

Every time I do one of those weird Facebook-note interrogation surveys, I always stumble upon the question “Have you ever cried when someone died?” I always just end up asking myself, “Does it really matter? Does it say something about me if I have, out of love for the dearly departed? Is that really bad? Does anyone really want to know this about me?” Then, I realize I’m on Facebook, and no one really reads that kind of crap anyway.

While we’re talking about Facebook, a while ago I had been talking to an old friend of my sisters. I’d started getting the feeling that the guy sort of liked me, and I was feeling happy about it. Then, he asked me to clarify whether I was older than my sister or not. When I told him that I was actually two years younger than her, he stopped talking to me. I actually found the whole situation pretty funny.

Maybe I should end this post with something funny. Or cute. Or both?

G’day.

The Players Club: How Monogamy is Becoming Obsolete, and Why the Media Could Be To Blame

Watching the preview for the next episode of “Daisy of Love” on VH1 somehow got a rise from me as I processed the little information given. It seems like on the next episode, Daisy de la Hoya, Bret Michael’s ex pleasure fucker, will find out that “Fox”, the resident pretty boy (I use the term lightly because I personally don’t find him very attractive), already has a girlfriend. On the commercial, when Daisy confronts him, he responds with a sort of “so what, whatever, who cares” attitude, surely curing her with his sweet kisses, and trying to make it seem like what he was doing wasn’t neccesarily wrong, but that it was just part of who he is.

Somehow, my criticism halts. I’m not calling him a man whore. I’m not calling him a player. I’m not really calling him a man either, but I don’t neccesarily think any of the men who choose to be on these “looking for love on TV” shows are really real men. But let’s look at the situation: Daisy is looking to find love in 18 guys, whom she’ll slowly start to eliminate throughout the “competition” to gain her love. It’s the template for reality television on VH1, with shows like “Real Chance of Love”, “I Love New York”, “Flavor of Love”, and “Rock of Love”. As the shows progress, these people are to have felt more of a connection with those they choose to keep in their house. Usually by the season finale, the main character (Daisy, New York, Bret, Flavor, Real, Chance, dopey, sleepy, sneezy, doc, etc.) is to have felt a connection with the last two people remaining on the show, so they go of to some tropical adventure and chronicle the individual relationships the characters have with each other. It’s intriguining because it is trulyfollowing the love triangle.

So, this brings me back to the case of  ”Fox”. How can Daisy really judge him when she is currently pursuing eight different guys? Is she really one to judge? Should the producers have said during the auditions, “single guys only”? The last question is an obvious “yes”, but the others, maybe not.

So what really is monogamy anymore? When companies try profiting off the idea of someone falling in love through the process of casting calls, auditions, and a television show, can we really call it love? Here we are, living in this generation where these shows are so comically entertaining, yet so morally wrong.

Then, we look at the everyday. We all know of a relationship which has been torn apart because of infedelities. Just off the top of my head, John and Kate from “John and Kate plus Eight” have entered the vicious realm of global judgement because of their infidelities while bbeing in the public eye. Yet, with an estimated 30% to 60% of all married couples predicted to face an infidelity, who are we to judge? It’s become so common, that we’ve somehow justified it, using terms like “player” to describe someone who is actually cheating on their significant other. Have we forgotten this is a sin, or is it just another curse of our generations?

Bucket List

1. Make a documentary comparing all-girls schools to all-boys schools. It would be a cool thing to watch, seeing how much the people at my school talk about the all boys school, making presumptions which are kind of unfair to make without a source of reference.
2. Make a band with some friends and write a song to make it onto the charts.
3. Write a screenplay of a modernised Orpheus-Euridice appeal, where Orphy and Dice are both prepsters in love, but Euridice’s “underworld” is the world of sex, drugs, and parents who are too distracted by their own problems to care, or something to that extent.
4. Meet a guy like DA or Max, fall in love, and learn something from the experience.
5. Create a website that takes little to no money to maintain, yet brings in millions of dollars in cash due to it’s comedic appeal (see fmylife.com or textsfromlastnight.com).
6. Meet someone on my I think you’re awesome, but I’ll never know until I meet you list. These people include: Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Anton Yelchin, Emile Hirsch, DA Wallach, Maxwell Drummey, Adam Levine, Tina Fey, Mya Rudolph, Andy Samberg, Jason Mraz, Gabriel Saporta, Ezra Koenig, and many others.
7. Enjoy playing the piano and become good enough at it to be able to show off my skills to people.
8. Tell everyone who’s ever screwed me over to go fuck themselves on national television.
9. Stop being a vegetarian. It’s just such an addicting rush of good karma!
10. Love my life the way I deserve to be able to.

Dig

If I turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me.
Sing this song. Remind me that we’ll always have each other when everything else is gone.

It’s strange how I find myself crying while hearing this song for the millionth time. I first heard the song (by Incubus) about 2 years ago, while staying up late with my insomnia giving me boosts of adrenaline through the wee hours of the morning. There were many people who would be in my life then, to help me get through it, and they’ve all just gone. Phased out of my life without warning, like a sudden break up with everyone you’ve ever loved.

So, who’s here? Who is going to be here to save me from myself? It’s the only thing I just can’t do for me, and I’m worried I’m just going to go through life making the same mistakes and getting worse and worse with no one to dig me up from what is covering the better part of me. So, these tears roll down my face because all of these people would leave me die. They would pull the plug if I didn’t want them to. They would let me fall if I were fainting. They would leave me to die. But I would take a bullet for any of them, without asking for anything in return.

It’s funny and painful how time changes people though. My heart will just disintegrate with all of the blows it has taken from these people. It never breaks, but there are cracks in the sides like those of an old vase which has been dropped but has not yet shattered. I’ll just keep letting it get beaten up and I’ll keep a smile on my face through it all because that’s just the type of person I’ve always been. I’ll cry myself to sleep every night, then dream of another life where someone will always be there to save me from my own imperfections. This fantasy which, for those who have helped break my heart, is a reality. And I’ll wake up to experience another day. One day will be my last. That will be the end of another twisted story. I would bet anything that no one will ever be there to save my soul.

A Vacation from Manners

Call me old-fashioned, but has anyone else seen a rapid decline in manners? It’s ridiculous! It seems sort of latent because we all try to play it off as though we are just too busy to acknowledge the sneeze from the girl across the room, or too preoccupied to care about the people who want to join a conversation. It is very offputting to realize how rude our generation has become. And it’s not that we’re mean, but it’s just that we are unaware of our general rudeness towards others. i’m not going to take things back to the old’n days with 20 forks or anything, but get back ot basics, folks! Just responding to the actions of others would be a good start! Then, closing your legs when in a skirt, more advanced stuff like that can follow. Just don’t pretend not to hear someone, and don’t pretent you’re blind because that’s rude! Okay, that’s all I have to say.

Teardrops on my Laptop

Here’s another update for your troubles.

You may be curious about the title of this post. Well, here’s this story. I had a crush (more or less) on this guy. He was extremely introverted, while I was trying to come out of my shell as an introvert, but I loved his style. He was cute but he seemed very insecure about himself. He wasn’t straight-laced either. He was so unconventionally perfect in my eyes, though he wasn’t exactly an Adonis and definitely wasn’t what I’d consider my “type”. But, regardless, I fell for him. I tried to find common ground, I evaluated my jokes (aka. will this really be that funny to him? I mean, what’s he going to think of me after I say this? Will he laugh or will an awkward silence follow this? “You are hilarious” or “you are in need of some serious medication”?) and then, after many long, awkward moments of silence as I contemplated my thoughts, I’d make the joke, and they never really paid off. I just kept finding ways to get to know him, but he never even realized I was alive, so I convinced myself that he wasn’t worth it. Time passed, he got a girlfriend, they broke up, then he basically confessed to one of my friends that he liked her, when she liked someone else. When she told this to me and some other friends, my face lit up with an artificial smile filled with jealousy and fragments of rage. It was a moment where I wish I’d just tuned them out as I usually did because, not only did it seem as though they did not want me to be a part of the conversation, but it went as far as acting like I wasn’t even at the same table (I don’t take offense to how often and easily I am ignored; the invisibility cloak I wear is called a uniform.) I was truly envoius of her for the first time in our four-year history as friends, because, not only was she prettier than me, funnier than me, and more enjoyable than I am on a daily basis, but she would also break his heart. I gave her advice on how to break it to him gently, making generalizations I’d read in countless issues of the late, great Cosmo Girl and the Hearst mega-mag, Seventeen. Consequently, the more I thought about the situation, the faster I felt my heart ripping into pieces, falling somewhere near my colon, intestine region. It was my “why did I actually purchase so many love songs???” moment. The moment made me so vulnerable, as though my insecurities were trying to tear me apart over a crazy, random happenstance. Even though I know better than that. I know better than to let some guy’s opinion beat me up. I know better than to be jealous of anyone. But, for whatever reason, I felt unlovable. Because he though she was irresistable, and she would break his heart, slowly, gently, and yet so painfully for him.

But, you know what I did? I talked to someone I don’t usually talk to for a really, really long time. I texted a faraway friend, who, through text, got acquainted with one of my best friends who’d, quite swiftly, taken my phone away from me. I practiced my guitar, and learned “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” by The Script. I danced, by myself, to The Lonely Island and Chester French. I filled my small time with distractions, and I told myself what I’d tell anyone else in my situation: not everyone will like you, but someone will love you. 

Anyway, I wrote this a while ago, and I’m just dusting my drafts right now, but in retrospect, I don’t know why I was so hyped up about this. I guess it’s just one of those things where you make more out of a situation than there really is, but I learned a lot from this little “emotional speedbump”.

MEME!!!

OMG! A new meme! Basically, you choose an artist, and then answer the questions by using the title of a song by that artist. You also have to try not to use the same song title more than once.

Pick Your Artist: Jason Mraz

 

Are you male or female: Mr. Curiosity

Describe yourself: I’ll do Anything

How do you feel about yourself: A Beautiful Mess

Describe where you currently live: Galaxy

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Welcome to Schubas

Your favorite form of transportation: Plane

Your best friend is: I’m Yours

Your favorite color is: Geek in the Pink

What’s the weather like: The Forecast

Favorite time of day: After an Afternoon

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called: Conversation with Myself

What is life to you: Life is Wonderful

What is the best advice you have to give: The Remedy

If you could change your name, what would it be: Dream Life of Rand McNally

Your favorite food is: Too much food

Thought for the Day: God Rests in Reason

How I would like to die: Sleeping to Dream

My soul’s present condition: Running

The faults I can bear: I melt with you

My motto: Only Human

 

Wow. That was a pretty good Meme!!! Try one on your blog!

Annoying

Here is a list of things that annoy me. Just for fun!

1. Personally insulting people because they don’t believe what you believe.
2. Using instant messaging jargon in blog posts. This includes lol, XD, DX, any consecutive use of capitalized letters for no apparent reason, elypses (I’m trying to cut back on using these), etc. and so forth. I know this would be really hypocritial looking at some of my posts, but I’m not extremely bad at articulating what I need to say when I blog. What I’m saying is that people who write using these for every single post should seriously consider their place in the blogosphere.
3. Super fans of the following people/subjects: Twilight, Robert Pattinson, Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift (I’m not going to lie, I really do like her music. I just don’t like her crazy fans.), etc.
4. Smoking. Don’t make me list the countless reasons why. The number one reason I think smoking is annoying is because the smoke smells like someone set a bag of shit on fire and threw it into a closed room.
5. When you’re trying to have a conversation with someone and they just give off the vibe that they’re drawing a blank with every word you say. All I ask is that you act like you know something, instead of acting as though you just aimlessly meander through life with a question mark drawn on your forehead.
6. Compulsive interruption. Everyone can name a time when they’ve incidentally interrupted someone. I usually feel sort of rude and hypocritical, and sometimes I apologize after the incident. But with others, they just interrupt to make themselves seem smarter or more informed of something. Not only is it rude, but it’s also a sign of insecurity in a person.
7. When you’re in a class where someone is always texting or talking and basically can’t sit still or shut up! It’s not even hyperactivity, it’s just the inability to respect the people around you.
8. The “first” philosophy: when someone obsesses over or likes a band/musician/book/movie/video before the general population catches onto the trend, and proceeds to make sure everyone knows that they heard about them 1 year, 2 months, 16 days, and 14 hours before their first hit was played on KBOM radio or the movie premiered or the video was featured, etc. I’ve done it before, but I’ve cut back a lot because I made a big realization; it doesn’t impress anyone, it doesn’t make you look cool, it just makes you seem like a douchebag.
9. Whining. You aren’t a baby, so don’t act like one!
10. When middle schoolers you don’t know friend you on Facebook. As well as when people you hate show up on your “People you may know” list.
11. PeOpL3 WhO tYp3 l!K3 Th!S. It’s awesome for a password, but it’s just annoying in any other context.
12. When a teacher spends 30 minutes of class time talking about their wonderful gorgeous life and their beautiful friends and their vacations to Italy and their seeing the Pope and blah blah blah! You already have authority over me, so there’s no need to try to make some big impression.

I can already tell this will be a long list, so I’ll call this a segment too.

PLAYLIST OF ADDICTON: For real this time!

1. “Semi Precious Weapons” by Semi Precious Weapons- Though I must admit that this song reminds me of “It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll” by AC/DC and remade by the cast of School of Rock more that the beats of “Ice Ice Baby” remind ANYONE of “Under Pressure”, this song is amazing. It’s in the Apple-sleek-commercial-song genre (see song #6), because it’s just awesome. I’d also like to note that I’ll bet any amount of money that the phrase “I can’t pay my rent, but I’m Fucking gorgeous” will describe many of my colleagues perfectly in about 7 years.
2. “Favorite Radio” by Stereo Deluxe- This is the sort of song that you listen to and go, “well, this sounds silly” and then can’t help but like. It doesn’t really make any sense why I like this song so much; the genre can’t exactly be classified, there are weird, almost childish sound effects made, and the lyrics remind you of some of those songs you were spoon-fed as a child by networks like Noggin (if you’re from that generation). And yet, it’s a pleasure to listen to. Who knew?
3. “Jimme’s Song” by Emanuel and the Fear- To put it quite simply, this song is a song about a kid who wants to be a rock star, but isn’t willing to grow up, get a job, and earn anything to get there. It has a latently sad theme to it of a person who just thinks their dreams will just happen without any work involved. But, in the ways of the fear, the song begins with a simple whistling melody and beat, and ends with a full blown, almost orchestral melody.
4. “The Rain Becomes the Clouds” by Emanuel and the Fear- Another song by Emanuel and the Fear. This, however, is my favorite song of their repertoire because it exemplified their true strengths, not only as a band, but as musicians in general. To me, this song emphasizes the beauty of nature and, in particular, the nature of human beings coinciding with the nature of the Earth itself. The reason why I love Emanuel and the Fear so much is because they have a sound which takes work; it can’t really be manufactured with a Casio and a computer. This eleven-piece gang doesn’t hesitate to serve you amazing lyrics and musicianship, which is hard to find these days. So, my hat is off to Emanuel Ayvas, Chris Colletti, David Nelson, Brian Sanders, Tom Swafford, Nic Cowles, Dan Tirer, Liz Hanley, Dallin Applebaum, Colin Dean, and Jeff Gretz. I applaud you for making me think of music as something truly greater than music through your refreshing songs.
5. “The Plank” by The Devil Makes Three- This is, literally and legitimately, a great “go to hell” song, which I’d love to have a chance to listen to  the next time I get angry for whatever reason. With lyrics like “to all our enemies, I’ll see you in hell. We’re gonna walk them off a plank into a wishing well. Down to Davie Jones’ locker where the fishes sleep. I won’t be praying for you, so don’t be praying for me,” it has to be a great song to listen to when you feel like venting.
6. “No You Girls” by Franz Ferdinand- The latest song recruited to the “iPod commercial” club, the song tickles your ear with another addicting melody. I promise to any readers whom have even bothered coming back to my site, the day Franz Ferdinand stops making amazing music will be the day I die. Luckily for me, it doesn’t seem as though that will be anytime soon (unlike the disappointingly mediocre U2).
7. “Little Toy Gun” by Honeyhoney- I didn’t know what to expect from this song, mainly because of the, in my opinion, tacky gunshot sound effect in the beginning. However, the song pays of by coming through with a strong, confident melody, and a sort of (don’t laugh) remixed-Yiddish feel (referring to the flowing, slurred refrain).
8. “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” by The Script- The song you will most likely remember from the latest Rhapsody commercial, this song from the Script feeds me the right kind of melody. What really attracts me to this song is the harmony added. I know, it’s pop cliche. I know, it can be a cop-out with bad songs. I know, it’s one of the weirdest things to record for a song. But it works for this song because it’s been described by many as a new brand of Celtic soul. That being said, don’t you think i should listen to a bit more Celtic soul music?!?
9. “Bang Bang” by K’naan & Adam Levine- Though this isn’t a song I liked immediately, really only because the beginning of the song didn’t rub me the right way, this song has grown on me. I found it two ways, almost simultaneously; first through the Maroon 5 website (there out of curiosity of what had become of the band I was once borderline-obsessed with), then, literally seconds later, through the iTunes store. This song reminds me of southern Floridian songs heard on the boardwalk, and I like that.
10. “I Love College” by Asher Roth- Now, let’s get one thing straight from the chase; I don’t approve of the message this song is sending. Call me whatever you’d like, but I don’t think I’m going to treat college as such a joke. I mean, I feel like spending my years in college late to classes, smoking weed, and drinking all the time would be a waste of about $25,000 a year. On that same note, I feel like after he’s graduated from college and has spent all of his money earned from this song on drugs and drinks, Asher Roth will start repaying his college loans, and then he’ll be a bit regretful of his old lifestyle. With that, I’d like to say that I love the melody and the rhythms of this song. Though I don’t approve of the lyrics, I can’t see this song doing well without them. Let’s just say I have a love/hate relationship with this one. But hey, it’s on the playlist!

Define Yourself

 Piano Gal

n. The online alias of a pensive adolescent girl from the bowels of Ohio. Piano Gal can be frequently found playing her guitar or attempting to make plans and, eventually, being cancelled on. She spent her 13th birthday crying at home in bed; she skipped school that day. Part of it was because she didn’t get the gift she wanted, but there was also the feeling that her father should’ve been there. Though she has a tough exterior, she is very passionate about the lives of the people around her. She tries her best to be a good friend, but is often hurt in the process. She also tries to keep herself as busy as possible to distract herself from her problems. She has a lot of pain because of the way people routinely treat her, and she hides it well most of the time. But when she tells herself to take it with a grain of salt, then she’s been hurt badly and needs to learn something from the pain she endures.  If she were a teen-aged boy, she wouldn’t find herself attractive in that way. She was trying to get into shape and had begun walking on her treadmill after school most days of the week until she fell on her treadmill at home and skinned her knee. The prehistoric treadmill kept moving after she tripped (the fall was mainly caused by her distraction due to the attitude her iPod’s shuffle setting was deflecting towards her, as she skipped song after song directly before the ‘fail fall’) and her knee stayed on the moving tread, causing a very painful scrape. Since then, she has not used her home treadmill. Her favorite type of pizza is from a resturaunt near campus where they sell flatbread pizzas with fresh, fresh, fresh vegetables, even though she usually only gets the cheese pizza, which, consequently, comes with the world’s best tomatoes. She feels bad when she eats french fries, and she’s proud of that. She has acid reflux, pityriasis rosia, and seasonal allergies. Her pityriasis rosia sometimes keeps her up at night because it can be excruciatingly painful. She has a severe case which can’t really be cured, and sometimes she thinks she should just get a skin transplant. There are some days where she can’t look in mirrors because she’ll never be happy with what she sees, and will, in turn, be disgusted by the sight reflected back to her. She hangs onto a 3-point GPA, though she is far more preoccupied than many of her colleagues. One morning, she felt the urge to take pictures outside her home because the atmosphere was very spooky. the pictures ended up looking like an image of Forks, Arizona. They were very eerie and spectacularly gloomy. Though people frequently hurt her, she comprehends that everyone, including herself, makes mistakes and she usually takes them back and gives them free hugs and what not, but they don’t really respond the same way. She’s been a vegetarian for over 4 years, but she’s considering giving it up when she hits the 5 year mark. She isn’t really very smart, but hones in on the intellectual insecurities of others so that she can say and do things which would make her seem smarter than she really is. She uses defense mechanisms. She currently has 3,040 songs on her first-edition, black with a blue casing video iPod. She would prefer having an iPod touch, but would be forced to purchase the 32 gigabyte model, which currently costs a terrifying $400. She watches television when she has nothing better to do. She is currently watching The Holiday, one of the most awesome romantic comedies ever. She wishes others would find who they were before labeling others. She wishes others would define themselves.